SINGLE GIRL IN THE CITY

Hello again dear readers, and welcome to the next installment of my story into the search for ‘the one’. In my last article, I gave you all an introduction into how I had ended up taking this search to the Internet and more specifically, to the matrimonial website forum, and had promised to discuss the types of people I was coming across. Now while the World Wide Web is vast and these websites consist of thousands of members – some of whom are very individual people – there are quite a few of them that can be put into certain categories, mostly as follows.

The confused man who doesn’t know what he wants – for example, he may state that he is devout and a follower of his religion, and is looking for a partner who feels the same or is intending on becoming religious later in life. Yet he messages girls like me, who do not mention religion in their personal description of themselves, not to mention that it is obvious from my pictures that I am more on the modern westernised side than on the traditional religious side. A classic case of ‘my parents want me to marry someone religious but I want to marry someone I find attractive, would you be willing to act religious after marriage to keep my parents happy?’ – to which the answer is ‘no’. Now to me, one of the most important parts of looking for a partner is knowing what you want in a person’s personality and searching for someone who fits that criteria; but a lot of people seem to think they can marry someone they just like the look of and change the personality as they go along. What happened to being with someone for who they are?

The next common type is the ‘I’m sorry I don’t have my picture available on my profile but if you give me your phone number or email address I’d be happy to send you one’ type. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that not everyone is comfortable uploading their picture onto a website, but the fact is that most matrimonial sites (including the one I joined) give the option of having your pictures as ‘private’. This means that if a person views your profile they will not automatically be able to view your pictures – they will have to send you a request to gain permission to view your pictures, and will only be able to view your pictures if you provide them with access. If you don’t wish to show your pictures to the person, you simply deny the request, and that’s the end of that. So there is no excuse for asking someone to give you their phone number or email address before you even know what they look like or have exchanged any messages and got to know them. But if they do try this trick (and especially if they try it and they also haven’t written much about themselves in their profile) then you can bet there’s probably something dodgy going on. You have been warned – share your telephone number or email address at your own risk!

And finally, there is the ‘I know I don’t fit the criteria you have stated you’re looking for but can we get to know each other anyway’ guy. This is one of the most frustrating types of messages I receive – I know that might sound harsh, but it is only because I have personally been quite open and honest on my profile about what I am and am not looking for, and that is for a reason – I know pretty much what I am and am not looking for. And I don’t mean petty things like a person’s height or their job – I mean things that actually mean something, for example location (I don’t want to get into a long distance relationship as I think that hinders the whole ‘getting to know each other’ process, and I don’t want to move to the other side of the country from my family); ethnicity (this is to please my family and also because it would make life a lot easier if my future husband and his family spoke the same second language as me and my family); and nationality (I am a British born Asian and I think I would be most compatible with someone who is also a British born Asian). Now I wouldn’t have wasted my time including all these details in my profile if it didn’t mean anything, but some people find that a little hard to grasp and seem to think ‘oh well, you don’t ask, you don’t get’.

There are plenty of other types (good, bad and everything in-between), but there are a very large amount of messages I receive which end up being from people who fit into these types, which can leave you thinking ‘am I wasting my time here?’. And trust me, that thought has entered my mind plenty of times!

But it is on the rare occasion that I receive a message from someone who actually seems like they could be ‘my type’, who seems like they could be on my wave length, that I think ‘hmmm, maybe there is hope’. After all, you would think that it shouldn’t take much to make you want to converse with a person and get to know them a little better – it’s just the fact that you know in the back of your mind that it is for the potential purpose of marriage, which adds that little extra bit of pressure.
So what happens when you come across someone who you do like the sound of? Surely this could mean the start of something……. You will have to wait and see until next month! I will see you again then my dears!